As I settled into a few cans of Beijing’s finest lager, I was distracted by the tooting of a whistle. After figuring out I was watching our beloved Beijing Celtic try to play football (although they defended like new born foals on Ketamine), it soon became clear that the intent was to rattle the opponents early on.
The first 15 minutes saw a domination of possession by The Celtics, and a number of passes that were gathering pace and seeming reasonably well drilled. Then, up steps Mc Sweeney as the 5ft old timer, to my shock, swung in a splendid ball for a certain Derry man to latch on to with a powerful downward header to make it 1-0.
The first goal was swiftly followed by another, as big Dave Mahon found himself in the box to take the ball past 7 players and score the best goal ever scored, ever. The big Dub ran away in celebration of scoring his first ever Celtic goal.
A third was added by Simon Holland shortly after when the speedy forward ran onto a through ball to smash home from close range. Things were beginning to look like they could turn into a trouncing.
The three goal cushion was short lived as it became all too clear that the manager’s cautionary words of poor concentration, and jilting of defensive responsibilities fell on deaf ears. There were three quick goals before the break. All three goals were characterised by clumsiness and lack of communication. Celtic were beginning to look like the stupid cunts I always knew they were.
After being grilled by Alan Kelly at halftime, the phrase ‘talking to a brick wall’ sprung to mind. Celtic went out in the second half and added a fourth after a jinky run by Simon Holland. This was to be short lived as the opponents whose name I can’t remember because I was steaming and listening to tales of grandeur from our very own Liam O’ Connell. Anyway, the opponents then equalised as I turned to Alan Kelly who had the expression of someone who had just had anal beads the size of watermelons removed from his arse from Aarnold Schwarzenegger at full speed. He was not a happy camper, to say the least.
Approaching the end of the game, the momentum was certainly not in Celtic’s favour as it became a harrowing tale of lads who have only being playing football for a short time of their lives. Misplaced passes and poor defending were the order of the day.
As the score line read 5-4 to the opposition, up popped Simon Holland to salvage a point for Celtic. It was a close call and it was a game that could have easily been lost. The game ended at 5-5. A disappointing performance, but the end result was one that Celtic could not argue with.
Goals – Simon Holland (3), Daryl (1), Dave Mahon (1)