Borg-McEnroe, The Rock-Steve Austin, David Mahon-Loaded Chips. Just some of the great rivalries that have become common folklore through the ages. But, In recent years there has been one rivalry that has been bubbling in Beijing, Celtic-Sexy! It’s a rivalry that has transcended from pitch to pub so much so that if you are asked ‘pink or green’ by the local football firms you better know where your loyalty lies.
Although the Sexy management have denied media reports that Roman Abramovich had been spotted in XL bar, they have been shy to comment on the sudden influx of Russian players both to the IFFC and the PSB. In light of this, the Sexy squad looked strong ahead of this derby unlike the Celtic team which was hoping their starting 11 would arrive on time. With Eric casually putting on his socks and new keeper Dave still figuring out what country he is, the match got under way.
The play in the first half was a little stale. Both teams were sizing each other up but not taking any big risks early on. Sexy first took the lead from a sloppy corner. Shortly after, Celtic were awarded a penalty but the talented Sexy keeper made a good save and it remained 1-0 at the break.
Celtic started to tire in the second half as Sexy brought on fresh legs. They started to gain more territory and eventually made it 2-0 from a penalty. The Sexy bench erupted with cheers and music as the social committee started to make plans for another Sexy Soviet Saturday. However, you should never back Celtic in to a corner. Just like you should never back Kieron Nolan into a corner at Maggie’s… something’s going to happen, and it’s going to be expensive.
Demus George was first to react in Celtic superhero fashion. He moved into midfield and almost straight away linked up with his attacking players, drove into the box, and slotted the ball past the keeper. 2-1. The bench was emptied with whatever Celtic players and creatures that remained, and it was none other than the human grasshopper Gavin Aherne in his suede shoes who was involved when another Celtic penalty was awarded for a handball.
Ste “nerves of steel” Hurworth stepped up and rocketed the ball past the despairing dive of the keeper. Before the ball had even hit the back of the net, Ste was already sprinting down the Sexy side line screaming “SHITTEST NAME IN WORLD FOOTBALL! SHITTEST NAME IN WORLD FOOTBALL!”
Ste eventually calmed down and the game ended 2-2. The spoils were shared but the rum definitely tasted sweeter for the Celtic contingent as the team went back to Paddy O’Sheas for a 48 hour St. Patrick’s day celebration.